Having a bad day

I saw my ex yesterday.  I don't know why, but the entire time we were together, I never felt the need to talk to him about being a burned survivor.  It seemed like the only thing I wanted to vent to him about was my job.  He always accepted me just the way I was.  I can't remember a time he tried to change me.  I couldn't see it then, but now that I think of it, if I wasn't complaining about my job, I was complaining about my weight.  Funny thing, I'm not over weight.  Not sure why I made these my issues.  Guess it was easier not having to discuss my scars.  During our courtship, he was always so happy go lucky.  It was hard for me to understand why he was so happy all the time.  Laddies, believe it or not, he too was burned as a child.  But not in the same capacity as me.  Boiling water scaled his right arm.  I recall asking him early on in our relationship why it was so easy for him to accept me.  That's when he showed me his arm.  We both laughed together.  Two burn-ups!  LoL! 

I never truly took the time out to deal with being a burn survivor.  I got pregnant the very next year after the accident.  Though it wasn't planned, it was a major distraction for me not to face or deal with what had happened to me.  My daughter is my world, but now that she's a teenager and getting ready for High School, she doesn't need me as much.  I'm left to face my own demons.  I call them that because it still flows through my veins.  I should be so thankful for so much.  What would I have to be sad about?  I turn to you because I hope to find peace of mind as I process this & hope that somehow I can find some sort of closure.  One step, two, or maybe three.  As many steps as it takes, I hope to make it there. 

This is my body now...has been for the past 15yrs.  I posted a bikini picture because I thought it was a good idea for you other burn survivor divas out there see that I do expose myself while on vacation.  I don't feel the need to hide.  I don't want to hide.  Or am I feeling the need to prove something?  While I'm in the moment of exposing my burned body wearing a bikini, it's almost like I'm forcing myself that nothing happened to me, that nothing is wrong & I'm just as normal as anyone else walking around me. 

I think that's all I'm gonna post for now.  I won't lie if i said seeing my ex doesn't bring back memories.  Divas, just know that there are men just like him out there who will accept you for your burns & look completely past your scars.  You must believe in yourself before anyone else can believe in you. 

Until next time my Burn Survivor Divas!